What?

Z-Toad is 7.5 and the next 11.5 years for him and I are going to be a ride.
Buckle Up!!   I think it is gonna get a wee bit bumpy.
He is essentially me in male form (that statement alone should make you shudder).
He is pretty much a fun kid to be around - tells crazy stories - and has a wicked sense of humor.
Oh - and surprise - he is somewhat sarcastic. 
I have absolutely no idea where he gets it from :)
And Yes - I consider that a positive trait - most days it is the only thing between myself and the men with the white coats.

As of late Z-Toad has been a tad bit, um, difficult.  That he gets from his father.

When I pick the toads up from school I sometimes chat with the other mom's about the stupidity amazing school they attend and all the completely ridiulous relevant projects they must complete.
I expect the toads to behave while I chat and at the very least follow the school rules as if they were actually still in school being watched by their teachers.  This is where I am naive. 

Z-Toad has informed me that he can only be "good" for so many hours and he uses that all up at school because he is afraid of going to the principals office.  And, evidently, he is NOT afraid of me.

I told the toads that from now on when I picked them up they are NOT to go off of the tar (which is the school rule).  If they did not behave they would lose their computer. 
This rule had to be amended to "anything that plugs in at some point in its life to be active" or I had to go through.
"So I can use my DS?"
No.
"So I can use my IPhone?"
No.
"I can use your IPhone?"
No.
"The Wii?"
No.
"The X-Box?"
No.   You can use the Playstation.
"Mom we don't have a playstation"
"Really?  That is too bad cause that is the one thing you are NOT grounded from."  
Ha!  Damn I am good I think.  I got my 7 year old.
Do not judge - some days it is all about the little victories!

Fast Forward to the very next day and Surpise! Z-Toad has lost all his electronic stuff.   J-Toad was extremely well behaved cause I am pretty sure that he himself requires recharging.

Of course now that Z-Toad had lost access to all that is holy in his life he had nothing left to lose and out came his wild self.
I upped the punishment to "If you don't behave now you can not go to L-Toad's house tomorrow."   He has been waiting F O R E V E R to be invited over.  
Apparently I signed up for the I take your kid 5 times and you take mine Once In A Friggin' Blue Moon Program.   That would get him to behave for sure I thought!

Z-Toad decides to tempt fate - and my hand - by walking a pretend tightrope at the very edge of the tar.   And then Oops! He lost is balance and took a few steps into the punishment zone.  Not once but like 7 times.
Did anyone see that coming?
"Sorry, Mom, but it doesn't count cause I lost my balance."
Oh yes, yes it did count and now you are not going over L-Toad's house (damnit damnit damnit - now I want to cry!) I say as I wrap my hand around his wrist in a totally lovingly and in no way cutting off his circulation manner.
"Mom, mom, your gonna make my hand fall off, you are holding it too tight"

Then the funniest thing happened but I lost my balance cause I was walking on very edge of the tar and my fingernails somehow dug into his wrist.   Huh.  Go figure.
"Ow, Ow, Ow, Mom!!!"
"Sorry, Z-Toad, but it doesn't count I lost my balance."
He looks at me.  I look at him
"What?" I say with my best innocent look and arched eyebrow.
And that is a WIN for Mom!!!   So off I go in my delusional victory.

On the way home he informs me that it is his teacher's birthday tomorrow and can we make cupcakes. Considering he can use all the brownie points he can get, I agree to stop at the store on the way home.

Flash forward to the 3 of us standing in line to checkout with:
Cake Mix
Frosting


I have not let go of his wrist in the market either - cause between no electronics and no L-Toad visit - he is a hurricane just waiting to be unleashed.

It is almost our turn........

Z-Toad says:
"Mom"  then looks at the cake mix and frosting.
"Didn't you say you were going on a DIET?"
For a moment I contemplated squeezing his hand even tighter although I wasn't sure I had that much strength left.   I even thought that he possibly said that completely innocently until I looked down at him and he looked up at me and said:

"What?" with the innocent face and arched eyebrow.

Hugs~
Tracie

Selective Hearing......

My business involves traveling to different locations.  We unload our product, set up for a few days, and then the whole thing in reverse.   Hopefully the reverse process takes much less time as we are loading empty crates to take back.

When a show is local I can sometimes get  hubby to go setup for me.  
Just Stop.
Now.  
Save all of your "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww - what a nice guy" comments. 
There is always a motive!!! 
A L W A Y S!!!!
He does this because my back is old and likes to kink up which can render me bed ridden.
And thus promotes him to Mr. Mom. 
A role that he does not like.   
If given the choice between doing a show or staying home with J-Toad & Z-Toad he picks the road.
In all fairness on most days the show is much less stressful :)
I mean that with much LOVE for the toads!
Just in case you read this and think you can use it in therapy.

Once I arrive at the show the organizer Cris says "Boy is your husband whipped." 
Well - ahem - yes...........
Damn - Did those pictures get out onto the internet?!?

Oh thats not what you meant?  {{blush..}}

Flash back to the evening before......
The tv is on in the background. 
Probably with a movie Mr. Toad has seen 27 times.

Me: Can you give Cris (the show organizer) a message when you get there?
Mr. Toad:  What?
Me: I will be there tomorrow morning (Friday) but I have to leave to get the kids from school at 2. I will be there all day/night on Saturday.
Mr. Toad:  (vaguely nods - a think I see a partial flicker in his eyes)
Me: Did you hear me?
Mr. Toad:  (exasperated WITH an eye roll - and he says he can't multi-task!!) Yes.
Me: What are you suppose to tell Cris?
Mr. Toad: Who is Cris?
Me: {{Bitch face}}
Mr. Toad: What?
Me: {{still bitch face trying to figure out if thinks he is being funny}}
Me: {{nope - not joking - OMFG}}  Are you serious??
Mr. Toad: What?  Are you going to stop talking so I can leave?
Me: What did I say?
Mr. Toad: To take the stuff to the show.  Where is the show again?


I end up writing a note with what I wanted to Mr. Toad to tell her.  My INTENTION was that he would look at the note and then remember what to say to her.   I was not C L E A R.    He physically hands the note to Cris.  Cris says to him "Does she want me to sign this and give it back to you?"   ROFLMAO.  

So you can imagine my shock......
The TV surround sound on ten, the kids screaming, the phone ringing, while wearing his headphones, Mr. Toad can hear me whisper 2 floors away standing next to the running washing machine.......
"You wanna have sex tonight?"

Hugs~
Tracie

NOT a Mommy Blog - This Time!

People tell me everything.
I mean EVERYTHING.

And not because we are lifelong friends.
Just because.
They may know me 5 minutes and I can pretty much tell you their life history or some secret they have been keeping.
I meet a LOT of women.
Many many many women.
It is always the same - someone inexplicably tells me something.
It happens at scrapbooking shows.
It happens at the boys school.
It happens at flippin' Walmart!
Men, women, the old, the young just start yapping to me.

My family thinks this is funny.
Why? Cause they know me:
I am a "Suck it up" kind of girl.
"Shit or get off the pot."
I am not by nature a hugger.
I am not a kiss kiss on the cheek kind of gal.
If there was a squirrel struggling on the side of the road for life.
I would run it over again (put it out of its misery).
I would NOT get out - pick it up - and nurse it back to life.
But strangers don't seem to get that.

I always thought I had a kickass "Bitch, what?" face.
I thought I had it mastered.
But now I think, sadly, it may defective.
I was considering making myself a t-shirt.
"I don't care."
"No, really I don't want to know."
"This means you."
"Yes, you, who doesn't think it is you."
"Walk away."

So I guess it should come as no surprise when I tell you about some other experiences I have had.....

I used to have a real job. You know 40 hours + per week where someone actually handed me a physical paycheck. During this time I started to commute with a co-worker. It made sense as it was a LONG drive. He worked for one of my peers.

He was um, odd, lets just say. Highly intelligent. Socially inept.
He didn't like most people. Except me (read above paragraphs - it is a gift).
During this 120 minute commute per day we would chat. Ahem. About stuff.
I was actually getting compliments from HIS coworkers during this time that I was making him more bearable.

One day on the way home from work - my fate sealed in my ability to charm information from any source - he informs me that he and his wife (yes he is married) are swingers.
My first thought was to look for a camera - or Ashton Kutcher to jump out of the car next to us. Cause I am sure I am being punked.

WTF??? Are you kidding me?
Nope. Dear God. He is not.
And now visual images are racing thru my mind at light speed.
Please for all that is holy - someone make the images stop!!
Now you might be wondering why said car-mate was confessing such a secret.
I would also like to tell you that I did NOT divulge any of this information to my fellow co-workers. Well I did years and years later after we had all left.
But I say I get an A+ for keeping the mother of all secrets for soooooooooo long.

Why would a coworker reveal such a secret?

I have no recollection as to what I said. I just know that I was eternally thankful that it was my day to drive.
My hands firmly grasped the wheel.
My eyes focused on the road ahead.
Desperately trying to not bust a gut laughing.
Constructing lists as to who to tell first when I got to work.
Further debating myself why it would be morally wrong to tell my coworkers.

He says: I am telling you this cause I find you attractive.
My thought bubble: Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
He says: And we would like to get together with you.
My thought bubble: Holy shit. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Holy Shit. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
He says: We started swinging because I am so LARGE that it physically hurts the wife to have sex with me.
My thought bubble: How large are you?!?! And still Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
He says: So I always feel bad having intercourse with the wife cause it hurts her. We swing so that she can have sex she can enjoy and I don't have to worry about her being in pain or causing her pain.

My thought bubble: What? Wait. You are SO large that you physically hurt your wife but you want me cause you don't think you would hurt me? Cause I look like I could handle your ginormous member? What on earth would make you think that???? And wait - your wife wants to be with my hubby - cause you both think he is not well endowed?

What the fuck?! Get out of my car!!!!

Okay - that is not the end result. I politely turned him down and over the next few months got out of carpooling. I was a putting other lives in danger carpooling with Mr. Swinger. No matter how hard I tried, it was difficult to drive and not sneak a peak to see if he had this LARGE member strapped to his leg. Such a monster should be visible thru jeans, no?

Least you think this is an "odd" occurrence in my life, I have since been approached by 2 other couples at various points in my life. Told that they swing and would like to get together.

People just like me. Blech.

Hugs~
Tracie

New England and it is .................snowing................ AGAIN!

You all know who Ron White is, yes?   He is a comic genius - I love him. 
He drinks, smokes, swears on stage and is about as funny as you can get.
His favorite saying is "You can't fix stupid." 
No, Ron, you can't.
You can make fun of it, poke it in the eye, and swear at it.
And I, Ron White, can blog about it.

I first heard the word "clusterfuck" awhile ago and could not think of any event that I would categorize as so.  But then the snow came....... and came........ and came....... and it keeps coming.  And in the midst of all the white I have discovered the definition of clusterfuck.

Clusterfuck I - It is a parking lot in Worcester, Massachusetts. 
It is the parking lot in which I need to drop off my toads for school.
It is the B A N E of my existence.
One Hugely Ginormous Clusterfuck.

I have included my artistic rendition of the parking lot for you to reference.   The swirly patterns represents the mounds and mounds of snow.  The normal path of entry begins in the lower right hand corner and then you just follow the arrows.   Up the street -  (a) a left up a little hill into the actual lot.  There you can either take a right and (b) go behind the school to the other parking lot (i.e. Clusterfuck part deux).  Or you can go left making your way around the U of parked cars - stopping to drop kick the toads out of your vehicle - and then it is back out the way you came.    It seems rudimentary, no?    Ah, not so quick, my friends, this is New England where we have SNOW.  
Mix a little of the genius that is Ron White and voila - Clusterfuck I is born.

In the interest of full disclosure the toads attend a school in another town.
Yes - it was my choice.  
Yes - I love their school.  
No - I was not aware that I would be swimming in the shallow end of the pool when it came to the parking.  
And Yes (sadly) I in essence pay for admission to Clusterfuck I.  

• The side street that you first turn onto has tons of snow banks and yet cars still park along them making this road essentially one lane.   So you sometimes have to wait for people to come down so you can get up.   But if you are a complete asshole you decide to try to go around me cause I have obviously stopped in the middle of the road for the sole purpose of pissing you off.  That is to the jackass of this morning.
• When you take your left up into the driveway it is vastly important that you start making this turn at least 400 feet from the actual turn cause ya know the street isn't narrow enough.   Did ANYONE pay attention in driving school or geometry??  LEFT-HAND turns are suppose to be squared - not diagonal!!! 
• Make sure your tires are completely bald and useless so that you are not able to get up the little hill to get into the driveway.  But you will try..... and try...... and try.   Like the fly that continuously flys into glass.   We all know that the 27th time is the sweet spot.  It is okay - the rest of us will wait.
• All drivers should be 6" or LESS away from the person they are in front of to ensure that everyone can be included in an accident.  Cause we are all about inclusivity.
• Once into the lot - you can choose to take your bald ass car up another hill and try to get around the back of the school.  NOTE:  When you don't make it up - the first time - it is imperative that you back up (keeping your car still on the hill) - and make the attempt at least 4-5 more times to ensure that traffic is sufficiently backed up.
• Have you decided to go around the U?   Great.  Stop toward the front of the school and have your kids get out.   Preferably in under 10 mins.   I know I shouldn't expect them to be fully dressed, or have their back packs in order, or that you couldn't have finished your conversation in your drive to the school BUT could we try?   Many many thanks - so sorry to inconvenience you.

RECENT EVENTS that led to the official designation of the Clusterfuck term:

I dropped the kids off in the U and proceeded to come around to take my right down the little driveway and then another right back onto the side street.   I came around to find a cadallic trying unsuccessfully to get up the little road behind the school.   There is now a backup of cars trying to get into the lot off of the side road.   There is a car parked in the very last spot head first in front of a snow bank making it close to impossible to make the right turn but I'm gonna try.   Oh - not so fast...... NOW the person behind the first person waiting for the cadallic to get up the hill comes AROUND them into what would be my exit lane.   And we all know what sheep do right?  Yes - that is right the sheep of cars behind that one FOLLOW.  So now there are effectively 2 rows of cars coming IN to the lot.   For all you math genius' - that means there is NO exit lane. ONE smart person has stopped on their way into the parking lot from the street so there is a narrow opening BUT the woman parked in the last spot (C) needs to leave as the path is thru her spot.  She has been in her car (on her cell) since I pulled in to the lot.  Then I see a light from heaven her back up lights come on.   Notice where her car is (C on the diagram).  If there was no snow she could drive straight down over the sidewalk.  So she barely needs to back up.

And we wait.
And wait.
Can you hear the horns?
And we wait.

I now happily (gritting my teeth can so look like a smile) get out of my car and gently (strictly a matter of interpretation)  tap on her window.   I politely ask her if she plans on backing up. 
"You are blocking me." she says.
I, looking at 10' of space behind her, sweetly (thru my gritted teeth) inform her that she has plenty of room.
"I don't want to hit you." she says.
Really?   Funny that was my thought to.  Huh.
I assure her that I will not let that happen. 

It takes her approx. 3.5 sec to backup and have enough room to get around the snow bank and out of the driveway.    Her and I drive down the side road sideways up on the snowbank as the rest of the incoming traffic has formed an impromptu Car Cha-Cha Dance.  You do know when their is a traffic jam that you are suppose to get as close as possible to the car in front of you, right??  That is to allow more cars into the traffic jam which increases everyone's enjoyment exponentially.

And then TODAY we all got to BACK UP around the U ....... WHILE people were still trying to come in to drop off their kids because 2 cars decided to park in spots D & E (see map - the lower right hand side of the parking lot) so no one had room to get all the way around the U.

Do you doubt now that this is a ginormous Clusterfuck?

I posted on Facebook the other day something like:
"This is New England folks ~ we get snow ~ it should not take me 80 minutes to go 15 miles."

The traffic was GRIDLOCKED.   It took someone else from my town THREE hours to go 12 miles (on Route 9 - a main road that runs the width of the state).    Is that reasonable??    Don't tell me that 3 hours or 3X a normal commute is reasonable when the roads are a little slippery.  It is not.   Not here.   It is a handful of folks on the road that create an utter clusterfuck for the rest of us.   No - you can't do the speed limit but I shouldn't be able to walk faster than you are driving.

So in an effort to save my sanity I have devised a test to determine if one should drive in snow:

If you agree with any of these statements then stay the hell OFF the roads when it snows:

a) OMG!! - New England is so pretty - and it snows here!  I have NEVER seen snow.
b) I am scared to drive in that white stuff!  People are going more than 10MPH that can't be safe!
c) Snow tires?   Honey I don't change my tires until they blow out.  
d) My car gets great gas mileage - it is really really small, close to the ground, and super light.  The manufacturer recommends that it not be driven if winds will exceed 10 knots....... or up really big hills.  Oh wait - in small print it says "not good for snow........ or rain....... drive only when sunny".   Huh.  

Oh wait - how about a SNOW DRIVING COURSE / TEST?

Nah - that's not gonna work.  

Why????

CAUSE YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID!!!

Hugs (and patience) ~
Tracie

2 Views on Priceless

My boys are only 27 months apart but sometimes that seems like a lifetime. 

They are very different physically.  I have been asked on several occasions
"Do they have the same father?"
To which I respond in a whisper "I think so."  Then I give the  idiot person a look that says "this is just between you and me" and walk away.

Their personalities are just as diverse.....

After I told them that Nana broke her wrist: 
J-Toad - "Can I get back on my computer now?"
Z-Toad  - "Can we go see her so I can give her a hug?"
*Once we were at Nana's house Z-Toad put his hand on her cast and blessed her (doing the sign of the cross).*

When I ran over a squirrel:
J-Toad - "You should run it over again."
Z-Toad - "Shouldn't you go back and take it to the vegetarian?"

After they are punished (this occurs right after my head spins around):
J-Toad -  Um - Nothing - he usually sends in his brother to suck up make nice with me.
Z-Toad - "Mom, I love you big whole bunches."

After we dropped off toys to a house that supports kids with cancer:
J-Toad - "Can we catch it now?"
Z-Toad - "Do you think we could go back and I could play with some of the sick kids?"

When I say to them "Look at me when I talk to you":
J-Toad:   ROLLS his eyes until I swear they are looking out the back of his head.
Z-Toad:  "I am looking at you my beautiful mother."


Before Christmas, the boys school holds another event to suck in money the Christmas Fair.  The kids are encouraged to bring in money and purchase presents for family members.   I, as the parent, can send in a list of people they should buy for and how much money should be spent on each item.   Items range from .50 to $5.00.   I sent them both in with $5 and told them they could figure it out. 

J-Toad: Came home with 20 candy canes (.25 each) for himself.   And a bell on a ribbon around his neck that he made in class. 
Z-Toad: Came home with a present for J-Toad and TWO presents for me.  He was beside himself and begged me everyday to just open his presents.

So when Christmas Day came,  Z-Toad looked like he would internally combust if I did not open his gifts first.   And - TADA!!!! - here it is.   Z-Toad made sure to point out that both are in my favorite color!   

I know you all be hating on me - jealous bitches - all this for just $3 - who is stylin' now?? 
The ring is perfect for any finger as it comes complete with a pinch clasp!

Yes - I wore them all day.
Yes - My finger and ears turned green also.  But it is my favorite color so WIN!
Yes - Zachary lifted my hair most of the day - even suggested a haircut - to see the earrings.
Priceless!

J-Toad feeling somewhat guilty for not purchasing anything for anyone gave me this card:

Can someone tell me why my Christmas Card looks like a One-Armed Demon Valentine with Antennas?
Inside the card was the bell on the ribbon that he made in class.  
The item that cost him $0.
Technically making his Christmas present to me also
Priceless.


Happy 2011!
Tracie

Christmas Presents from School

Z-Toad (1st Grade):
Z-Toad's class all mailed home Christmas Cards.   The card is entitled My Wish For You.
Z-Toad wrote:
I wish my Mom and Dad good luck (um, sure, we could use that!).  I wish Mom to Not to wev (a statement designed purely to guilt me!  He doesn't mind me leaving as long as he gets to come).   Yes or No  ( I guess I am suppose to circle and return)?   So we can b a famay (I guess it does not count as a family if the mom leaves ever as Daddy goes to work everyday and that doesn't seem to be a problem.).

J-Toad (3rd Grade):
J-Toad's class built little mini houses and they had to write about their house.
J-Toad wrote:

The House  Rated PG 13  (I am not sure what to be concerned about - That J-Toad thinks his life is a movie or that our house is not okay for those under 13 without parental supervision??)
I like my house alot (great so does the bank).  I like my house alot because of the computer room and the computer (good to know that us breathing humans are such an integral part of your life).
I like my computer because I get to play World of Warcraft, Roblox, and FusionFall.  Plus I get to sit in my epic computer chair so soft (the word "epic" will soon be banned in this house).   I also like my yard outside.  My yard is huge  (no it is not - under 1/2 acre) and it has climbing dome on it (that you have been on twice).  We also have a shed that has the lawnmower, some toys, rats (also not true - they are little field mice), and posters so it is a mess.  We also love when Mom makes something Z-Toad and I like to call brownies (they are in fact brownies - this is not some code word for something else).  Brownies are the rich chocalaty taste you'll never outgrow (perhaps a marketing future?).  Then in the computer room we have our epic Christmas tree with a ton of lights (out of the box with preinstalled lights - I must agree this invention is EPIC!).   I have 10 presents and Z-Toad has 9 because his are larger than mine (A fact that J-Toad has felt the need to point on daily to Z-Toad.  In fact, Mommy lost count and refused to do anymore shopping).  Our Christmas tree is in the basement so Dad has to get it out of there in the dark cold basement of DOOM (the basement is 1/2 finished and as far as I know nothing doom-worthy has ever occurred).  In our bedroom we have bunk beds that are so totally epic (J-Toad's bed is close to the ceiling fan so he must duck and dodge the spinning fins - a real life video game).   I have a DS that broke but I'm going to get me a DSI xl bundle hopefully (Ho Ho Ho!).  My favorite food is meatloaf but mom doesn't make it much anymore and Zachary's super glad! (guilty - I have not made it in ages cause I am old and get tired of arguing with Z-Toad to eat his dinner).  I like this story because it is so totally epic (yes, J-Toad, it is totally wicked radical, man).

More Gems from Z-Toad.....

On the way home from school Z-Toad told me that he wanted me to have a baby.   He said it was because he wanted to have a baby sister.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Yeah.
NO!  
I think my 44 year old body collectively shuddered at the thought.
Z-Toad said "Mom, God wants you to have another baby."  

Who the hell thought it was a good idea to send these children to Catholic school?  Seriously $600 per month for sex education??   I swear if he starts quoting "go forth and multiply...."

How was I going to tell him that God had already let me know that I was in fact done?  See once you start getting gray hair um, not on your head, that is officially God's way of sticking a fork in you. 

And more stretch marks?  One can already map out most of the US highway systems on my belly.  Who the hell needs a Tom-Tom when we have Roadmap Mama!   She talks, does laundry, makes dinner, nags, bitches, and comes complete with her own map.   Never get lost again!

And then the conversation continued:

J-Toad:  "No - we don't want anymore kids - that would mean less for us." 
     Yeah I know I should have done the mom speech about sharing but I didn't.  Instead 
Me: That's right Z-Toad - you would get less presents at Christmas.  Babies cost a lot of money and a baby would take a lot of my time.  Which would take more time away from you.
      I'm taking the express train to hell.   Toot - Toot.  All Aboard.

Z-Toad: "All you have to do is kiss Daddy."
     Damn - you mean I didn't have to do all that other stuff?  Wait until I see your father.

J-Toad: "No Z-Toad it is more complicated than that."
Z-Toad: "Oh, yeah, Mom you have to have S-E-X, right?"
   Hold up - I spend hours and hours spelling trick words with this little shit and he still can't friggin   spell AS without tapping it out - but SEX he can spell?!?
J-Toad: "You don't even know what sex is, Z-Toad"
Z-Toad: "Yes I do"
   OH. DEAR. GOD.  I'm a good person - okay well I could be worse.  Anyway,  I don't usually ask for anything but do you think it would be too much to whip up a tornado?   Maybe a sudden hail storm?   How about some locusts and frogs?  Can't you do that?  Anything that will distract this conversation...... Please..... 

Z-Toad: "It is when you get naked and get on top of one another."
   I think I am hyperventilating.  Maybe if I pretend pass out and make like we are going to crash?
Z-Toad: "And then you touch pee-pee's"
   WHAT?????   Holy Shit.   How?  What?  Am I still driving?   Seriously what am I being punished for?
Z-Toad: "Is that close, Mom?"
   Mom???  Who the hell is he talking too?   Oh Yeah me.  Shit.  Seven - he is 7 - this is not the time for that talk, um, right?   Well shit I am 44 and this is SO not the right time for me.   Um............. 

J-Toad:  "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww that's gross."
   And ding ding we have a winner....     Goooooooooooooooooooooooo J-Toad!!!   Way to come in and rescue the day.  
Z-Toad:  "I know I know - I was just joking."


Hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!!!
Hugs~
Tracie