April 27, 2011

Why I am not concerned about my childrens safety and comfort.

I had to go into the school this am and talk to Z-Toad's teacher.  It will be 80 here today and I told the kids not to bring their jackets because the school's policy is that they wear out to recess whatever they were sent to school in.  Completely stupid.  Wouldn't want anyone to exercise reason or common sense.

I made an error in judgment last month - okay, well I didn't the weather morons got it wrong.  It was suppose to increase in temperature by the afternoon and it did not.  When the kids left school it was cool, wet, and miserable.  And - gasp - shock - they came out of school had to walk 2 whole minutes to get to the car in short sleeve shirts.  I hardly think it killed them.

Here is the thing.   I DRIVE them to school every morning and I pick them up at the end of school.   The only time they are outside is during a 20 minute recess.   I suppose you could count the 5 minutes in the am before school and the 5 minutes in the afternoon after school.   They are not on a bus - they are not waiting outside for anything - they don't have to walk 3 miles uphill in 4' deep snow.   Get it?   The teacher's know this.

So this morning Z-Toad is having a complete meltdown over not having a jacket cause he was going to loose recess.  His teacher says they have to bring a coat or they don't get recess.  Oh really?  I tell Z-Toad I am your Mom and I trump teacher every time.   Z-Toad is now sobbing "MOM"!!!! 

In the school I go to talk to Z-Toad's teacher.
Comments in red are what I should have said.

Me: Hi.  I just wanted to let you know that Z-Toad does not have a jacket today.  He seems to think he will lose his recess.
Teacher:  Oh no.  That is fine for today.   It was that other time when it was like 30 out and he didn't have a coat.  That day there was an issue.
Me: Bitch - L E T     I  T      G O    Well yes that was my error.  The weather was not suppose to get that bad.   Although it was not 30 degrees that morning.
Teacher:  You realize as his teacher I am concerned for his safety and comfort.
Me: Whew!!!!  I can just take that off my parenting "things to do" list if you have that covered.  Perhaps you should be more concerned about 2 brats kids playing "Tackle Zachary" at recess resulting in him getting a big huge bruise on his forehead.   Well as his mom I think I can decide whether or not he needs a jacket.
Teacher:  We are just concerned for the kids.
MeApparently listening is not a high priority for the superior parent/teacher.   Again I am perfectly capable of deciding what my children should wear on any given day.   My older toad has an issue where he doesn't sweat.  When he gets overheated he turns pale, feels like he is going to vomit, and gets a headache.   He physically doesn't sweat.   The doctors still haven't been able to figure out why.   But since he was born - he does not sleep with covers.  Ever.  30 degrees below zero - no covers.  As his mom I always want to make sure that all the teachers are aware so that nothing more drastic happens to him.   So I am very sensitive to the "safety and comfort" of my children.
Teacher: Is the lack of sweat due to him being dehydrated?  Maybe he just needs more liquids?
Me: Holy Shit you are a pediatrician too?   Wow you is wicked smart.  I will let the doctors know that you have solved this medical mystery that has plagued them for 8 years in like 30 seconds.  And without seeing his medical history or even a physical exam!!!!    Well I am sure the doctors at Children's Hospital have looked at that in conjunction with the battery of other tests they have run.  But as I have said they are still not sure why he doesn't sweat "normal".   All I am told is that if he starts feeling sick and is uncomfortable that he needs to move out of the heat.

All this over a stupid jacket.  
Maybe tomorrow I will send him in a bathing suit ;)


April 10, 2011


Z-Toad is 7.5 and the next 11.5 years for him and I are going to be a ride.
Buckle Up!!   I think it is gonna get a wee bit bumpy.
He is essentially me in male form (that statement alone should make you shudder).
He is pretty much a fun kid to be around - tells crazy stories - and has a wicked sense of humor.
Oh - and surprise - he is somewhat sarcastic. 
I have absolutely no idea where he gets it from :)
And Yes - I consider that a positive trait - most days it is the only thing between myself and the men with the white coats.

As of late Z-Toad has been a tad bit, um, difficult.  That he gets from his father.

When I pick the toads up from school I sometimes chat with the other mom's about the stupidity amazing school they attend and all the completely ridiulous relevant projects they must complete.
I expect the toads to behave while I chat and at the very least follow the school rules as if they were actually still in school being watched by their teachers.  This is where I am naive. 

Z-Toad has informed me that he can only be "good" for so many hours and he uses that all up at school because he is afraid of going to the principals office.  And, evidently, he is NOT afraid of me.

I told the toads that from now on when I picked them up they are NOT to go off of the tar (which is the school rule).  If they did not behave they would lose their computer. 
This rule had to be amended to "anything that plugs in at some point in its life to be active" or I had to go through.
"So I can use my DS?"
"So I can use my IPhone?"
"I can use your IPhone?"
"The Wii?"
"The X-Box?"
No.   You can use the Playstation.
"Mom we don't have a playstation"
"Really?  That is too bad cause that is the one thing you are NOT grounded from."  
Ha!  Damn I am good I think.  I got my 7 year old.
Do not judge - some days it is all about the little victories!

Fast Forward to the very next day and Surpise! Z-Toad has lost all his electronic stuff.   J-Toad was extremely well behaved cause I am pretty sure that he himself requires recharging.

Of course now that Z-Toad had lost access to all that is holy in his life he had nothing left to lose and out came his wild self.
I upped the punishment to "If you don't behave now you can not go to L-Toad's house tomorrow."   He has been waiting F O R E V E R to be invited over.  
Apparently I signed up for the I take your kid 5 times and you take mine Once In A Friggin' Blue Moon Program.   That would get him to behave for sure I thought!

Z-Toad decides to tempt fate - and my hand - by walking a pretend tightrope at the very edge of the tar.   And then Oops! He lost is balance and took a few steps into the punishment zone.  Not once but like 7 times.
Did anyone see that coming?
"Sorry, Mom, but it doesn't count cause I lost my balance."
Oh yes, yes it did count and now you are not going over L-Toad's house (damnit damnit damnit - now I want to cry!) I say as I wrap my hand around his wrist in a totally lovingly and in no way cutting off his circulation manner.
"Mom, mom, your gonna make my hand fall off, you are holding it too tight"

Then the funniest thing happened but I lost my balance cause I was walking on very edge of the tar and my fingernails somehow dug into his wrist.   Huh.  Go figure.
"Ow, Ow, Ow, Mom!!!"
"Sorry, Z-Toad, but it doesn't count I lost my balance."
He looks at me.  I look at him
"What?" I say with my best innocent look and arched eyebrow.
And that is a WIN for Mom!!!   So off I go in my delusional victory.

On the way home he informs me that it is his teacher's birthday tomorrow and can we make cupcakes. Considering he can use all the brownie points he can get, I agree to stop at the store on the way home.

Flash forward to the 3 of us standing in line to checkout with:
Cake Mix

I have not let go of his wrist in the market either - cause between no electronics and no L-Toad visit - he is a hurricane just waiting to be unleashed.

It is almost our turn........

Z-Toad says:
"Mom"  then looks at the cake mix and frosting.
"Didn't you say you were going on a DIET?"
For a moment I contemplated squeezing his hand even tighter although I wasn't sure I had that much strength left.   I even thought that he possibly said that completely innocently until I looked down at him and he looked up at me and said:

"What?" with the innocent face and arched eyebrow.