October 30, 2013

Spinning....... From Inside My Mind

C'mon Take A Spin Class...... You'll Love It!!!
These people are not your friends.
Run Away!

Welcome to my thoughts during spin.......

Start Time: 6:00PM - 45 minutes long
We are SO going to do this!!!
Bring it on :D
Okay lets get my bike setup away from the mirror.  
Good lord who wants to watch yourself?
Shit did I wear the right bra for this?
Let's get the furthest away from the instructor.
Should I get behind the pole so I can't see the clock?
No - better to see how much longer.
Wait - if I put my bike here I can see the clock and outside.
Fantastic for my ADD!
Maybe something shiny will go by!

Let's look over the bike....
Set everything to short.
Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy
Get my water.
Hair up.
Holy Shit - these chicks have special ass spinning shoes!!!
Gulp.   I think I am in over my head.
There is a goddamn emergency switch on the bike?
WTH?  Where is it going to go?
I could so still leave.
A family emergency.
Why can't I will my cell phone to ring?
Not a big emergency - maybe just an appendix burst?
For Jake not Zach.
Zach is a way bigger baby when he is sick.

Here is the instructor.
Oh she seems happy.
"Perky" even.
I don't do perky :(
She looks like she has a lot of energy.
We were just informed she has been looking forward to class all week.

This will be one of the toughest classes she has taught.
Well color me fucking happy.
Find a comfortable resistance level.
For right now?  Or 30 minutes from now when I will surely be dead?
Should I start off a little on the easy side so I can build up?
Why did I come today?

Race it out.
Damn look at my legs flying......
You go girl!
HUH - hey wait look at everyone else's legs.
Girl - you look like you are not even peddling.
Really that is all you got?!
You are embarrassing yourself!
Quick now - keep up - no slacking!!!!
Go go go
Wait wait wait
Heart going to explode.
Breathe.  Breathe.  Breathe.

Turn the resistance up?
I want to work hard so let's crank this sucker up!
Too much!
Too much!!
Turn the crank the other way!!!
The OTHER fucking way.
OMG - I think I damaged something.
No seriously I think I ripped a muscle.
If I hit the emergency button does a hot EMT man show up??
Now that would be sweet....
One that looks like Hugh Jackman.
What was that movie that he was close to naked in?
Oh shit - wait what are we doing now??

Okay..... okay.......
A nice and steady pace.
Don't look at anyone else.
Don't compare.
You are only competing against yourself.
blah blah fucking blah
How the fuck to they move their legs that fast???
It is not humanely possible.

Turn it up again??
LOL - yeah I'm not falling for that again.
You all are just reaching down and pretending right?
Who the hell would know?
That's right reach down hand on the crank.
Smile - pretend to turn that crank.
I got it.
Won't fool me again.
Wait wait look at me.
I'm reaching down and turning it again.
Cause I'm just that tough.

Wait - we are standing up??
Shit - I need more resistance then :(
Reach down - okay there we go.
I got it.
Sit down now.
But I just got up!!!
Keep peddling.
Don't touch the resistance.
But its H A R D now.............
I want my mommy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Peddle it out.
You can do it!!!
Yeah - well my legs are screaming Fuck No!
Jesus - is this song like 27 minutes long??
This song is so coming off my i-pod as soon as class is over.
I hate Michael fucking Jackson.
Seriously is this like medley of all his fucking hits??

Rolling Hills?
Oh Geesh.....
Up off the seat
Down in the seat
Up off the seat
Down in the seat
How the hell do they do it all in unison?
Friggin' Stepford Spinners.

Time to Isolate!!!
That sounds good right?
Oh thank you sweet Jesus
Slow I can do
Huh?   Do what?
Hover my ass over my seat
Peddle Slow.
Do NOT use your arms.
Why cause you want me to fall the fuck off?
You need to I S O L A T E so your legs will SCREAM at you to stop.
I think mine are sobbing.
They are curled up in a ball rocking somewhere in a quiet dark place.

More Hills.....
Not the rolling ones.
Thank you god!
Will the joy ever stop??
Climb it out girls!!!
How is everyone feeling?
She only asks cause she knows no one can talk and do this shit.

Why is my ass sore??
I have MORE than enough junk in my trunk for cushion.
How is this possible?
With my ass I should excel at this activity!

Wait - I think she said slow down...
Are we done??
The clock..... look at the clock.
That has to be it.
OMG - I made it :D
Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!?!

So when is the next class?

LOL......  So that was pretty much me the first time (and possibly a bunch of times after) but I keep going back cause in some sick twisted way I enjoy it!!!
And I really do move the resistance dial - all that was just said for humor - no really :D


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