September 15, 2010

The Road from Sane Casual Stalker to Batshit Crazy

Everyone has a bit of stalker in them.   You meet someone - get curious about what they do when you are not around - or what the hell they are doing instead of calling you - cause it has been like 2 whole days since your last date. 
You drive by their work - house - school.  A couple of times - 10 times maximum - in an hour.
In a borrowed car with a hat, wig, and sunglasses.
You  Park.  You Wait.   You Watch.  You have Binoculars.   Ahem. 
Well at least that is how I think a stalker would behave.  Of course, having only been the stalkee I am merely hypothesizing.

So how do you know when you have crossed that line?  You know the one that takes you into batshit crazy - white coats - police & handcuffs territory?   A recent news story tickled me.

A woman died (yes it is tragic - no peeps I am not making fun - just using this as a valuable lesson) cause she got stuck in the chimney of the man she was stalking in love with.   She was some sort of heart doctor.  A DOCTOR people!!!!   Way to go for the feminist movement.   Imagine the parents proudly bragging to their friends "my daughter is a doctor" only to have to eulogize her because she got her ass STUCK in a chimney for some prick.  Holy hell.  One step forward - ten steps back.  She couldn't just buy a friggin' pint of Ben & Jerry's like any other female, key his car, or casually inform new girlfriends that the itch will eventually go away?  

Her body was found in the chimney 2 days after she went missing.   The babysitter noticed a strange liquid dripping and a foul smell coming from the chimney. How many of you would have checked that shit out?    I can tell you that I am a HUGE ASS chicken shit.  I would have called 911, the fire department, my mommy, and got the hell OUT!  I still look under my bed at night before I get in it - no way this chick would have been anywhere near a leaky foul smelling chimney.

The male newscaster pointed out she was crazy - ya think Einstein?  But I think he missed the point.  He chuckle-chuckle-snorted through the story - just another crazy woman after her man.  But, dear readers, that is NOT why Dr. Heart Chickadee was batshit crazy.   Perhaps, a tad over-persistent.  Of course we do not know what the prick boyfriend did to drive her nuts.  We should not judge.

How do I know she was crazy?   What women on this planet - I don't care what size her clothes - thinks she is small enough to fit down a friggin' chimney flu??  Once you climbed up onto the roof and looked down the narrow dark insect filled hole would reality not bitch-slap you?  Or would you look down and think should I go head or feet first?

BTW - she went down feet first.  

What is the craziest thing you have done??



Anonymous said...

OMG! His name must be Steve.

I've stalked, er, observed an ex when he was on a date with some skank but that's about it. I'm a big old chicken. I stick with the Ben and Jerry's and sappy movies.

vixen kitten said...

I don't stalk. I've been stalked. A few times.

The most recent was by this blogger assbag. He checked my blog like 25 times a day to see what I was posting, and twittered about me and wrote letters to women bloggers telling them what a big meanie I am. *snort*

I just want to know who the fuck twitters, unless they are John Mayer or in 7h grade? Oh wait...even John Mayer has given it up.

The best part was I was able to get his manpanties all twisted up his fat hairy ass without even mentioning his name once!

Ya..I'm good like that. *giggle*

He sent his twitter posse after me, all TWO of them and they told me to stop picking on him. What kind of man sends a woman to defend his pussy ass....I dunno?

Ennnneway, me and the girlies had quite a good laugh or ten over it in private posts and chats in a private blog. Ya know...what adults who don't twitter do!

There you have stalker story!

Lovin the new place, mama. Keep up the good work.


Oh, my favorite part...I have 11 new followers who I tracked from his twitter link!

That would make it

Assbag: 2
~vk~ 11

vixen kitten said...

Whhhhewwww doggies.

I sure as shit had a lot to say today, huh!

Tracie said...

Snuggle - no sappy movies here - i'm an action girl ;)

VK - you are always welcome to post away. that guy is a douche. i've only been stalked once - not pretty - not something i generally talk about.

thank you ladies for your posts!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Are you freaking kidding me!? That's nuts. I'd be way to scared to go down a chimney, I don't care how bad I want the guy.

But then again... I've never really wanted a guy that bad... or maybe bad enough to get BSC???

I'm never sure if I'm being stalked... and if I ever was, they must have been terrible at it, and that's just my luck too, to get the horrible stalkers.


Great post girl!

Anonymous said...

I am not sure you are ready to know what the craziest thug is that I have done! Of course now if I tell you it will be anti climatic!

Mike w

BluEyedBader said...

Wait vix, you dont like it when I stalk you? ha!

I dont have any stalker stories, although I was pretty obsessed before but never stalked. That was long ago in my past, I grew up since then... like you hope most people do.

But I do love the story of that astronaut that drove all that way without stopping while wearing adult diapers... That is just bizarre.

Tracie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tracie said...

Shelle honey I am SURE you have been stalked - that is meant as a compliment - LOL.

Hmmmm - anon - you should have your own blog!!

BEB - I totally forgot about the wacky astronaut. No chimney slide or adult diaper wearing for ANYone!

-ps- don't be stalking the VK - she has fierce posse!

vixen kitten said...

Awwww, Bader, I loooove when you stalk me!

Btw...I stalk Shelle. I mean...have you seen her? Eeeesh. I can't control myself.

Please don't neber eber tell her though. I so don't want to be busted!

vixen kitten said...

Ummmm and ya...what Tracie said.

Fierce I tell you!